10:27 am - The Suckiest Race Ever Last thursday and friday I placed Amazon.com orders. They both were scheduled to arrive during the same window.
On Tuesday, Woot.com started a woot-off.
On Tuesday, I registered and applied for website hosting (more in a bit).
And so the race began. What would be completed first? Would my Amazon items ship first? Would the suckiest woot-off ever (man it's been so bad) end first? Would my hosting information come first?
Wednesday was a hard fought day. Amazon pulled into the lead by shipping ONE of the two orders finally. Woot made a strong play by suddenly having some sorta interesting fast selling items. The hosting company? Nothin. Silence. It was looking like Amazon had the inside track, until....
...Amazon pulled a Barbaro. (too soon?) Instead of a shipping confirmation email, Amazon started off this morning sending me a "There's a problem with your order. Sorry for the delay." email. Seeing the window of opportunity open, Woot responded with....crap. Slow selling crap. Including, I swear, the same goddamn watch no one wanted 3 separate times. Currently they're selling about their 4th different kind of mouse. No one wants it either.
Last night, I found out that my hosting service had called my phone during the day. Since my cell gets zero (0) reception in my office, I missed it. Their billing department has hours of - i kid you not - 11am to 2pm EST. Yes. Apparently they only work DURING lunch. So I couldn't do anything about it last night. This morning I called them back - to get a machine. It was looking like the hosting company was tripping over the horpse of Amazon on the track.
But then, in a last ditch effort, I called the hosting company AGAIN, and they answered! So my order finally went through. So the hosting company comes from behind to win! The domain should be live very soon. Amazon, Woot, you are now in a race to see who can suck the 2nd least. Good luck to you both.
On the sitehosting front: I am moving out. I have simply gotten bored with the blogging here on LJ, and to an extension of that, myspace. Since I've been mirroring out of sheer boredom. So soon, cephyn.com will go live. I'll be blogging there from now on. It will give me a new hobby, since there's all sorts of cool things I can potentially do with a domain that I can't with LJ or myspace. Plus, my friends feeds have gotten nearly silent over the past few months. It's time to move on. I'll probably mirror some posts here on LJ and myspace for a while, some I won't.
I'll be sure to let everyone know when cephyn.com is open for visiting. Update your RSS feeds and bookmarks. (Was that an echo? sheesh...) I still hope to hear from you there. I am going to make the effort to be far more interesting than I have been here. (why are you laughing?)
You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
10:54 pm - Why do I have nothing to say? It's a quiet night, well, a quiet weekend for me. Nothing to do, nowhere to go really. A little disappointing, despite my best efforts I still am a bit of a hermit here in Burbank.
I used to have things to say. I used to have original thoughts. I used to be able to riff and pontificate on any particular subject.
I used to write poetry, I used to contemplate essays, I used to have ideas for stories and tales.
I used to have something to say. I've never been able to draw, or paint, or produce any noises resembling music. Photography is a hobby that I enjoy, but I don't think it will ever be impressive from me. It's the closest I can come to any visual art, but it fits in with my problem -
Why do I have nothing to say?
I've thought about leaving LJ/Myspace blogging to move to my own domain and have a "real" blog. But I keep having to come back to the same problem -
Why do I have nothing to say?
I have no ideas for poems or stories. I have no real clue what I'm doing with photos until it's sorta after the fact. My innovation is gone. Expressions of creativity from me are non-existent.
This isn't to say I don't think about things, or have opinions, or have gone dumb - It's just that I seem to have a huge soup of facts in my head that doesn't mean anything until somebody prompts me. Bring up a topic, make an argument, show me art or play me music - then I'll have something to say. But I can't, any longer it seems, come up with anything on my own. Every once in a while, for example, I'll have a flash of something and be able to write something very humorous that I'm actually sort of proud of. (the coffee story, for example)
So what happened?
Why do I have nothing to say?
I don't know. It's driving me crazy, it's bringing me down, it's confusing the crap out of me - but in the end, they only thing I seem to have anything to say about is-
Why do I have nothing to say? Current Music: Gabriel&Dresden - Tracking Treasure Down
I'm sorry I didn't get to see all whom I know in the Bay, it just wasn't really possible given the short time I had and the limited options for non-group activities. It was tough to be so close and not be able to see some people, especially those from whom I've not heard in a long, long time. Maybe next trip.
San Francisco photos are forthcoming to flickr, probably tonight sometime. I'll let ya'll know. I don't think many of them are that good, but the flickr favorite of my photos isn't one I liked all that much either.
09:40 am - Not the Age of Aquarius So apparently, SciFi and George Clooney are teaming up to make a miniseries based on The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson.
Holy Crap.
If they screw it up, I will hate them. If they do not, I will love them. But the question I have...
Snow Crash? Neuromancer? Hello? Anyone out there? Why aren't these mini-series or movies? Can you imagine a Neuromancer tv series? Done right, it would blow anything out of the water. A properly done Snow Crash movie would make the Matrix look like crap (the first movie, the 2nd and 3rd need no help looking like crap).
Are these people crazy? Many of them, probably. But the government has researched mind control techniques for decades. While they may be a little nuts to think their minds are actually being controlled, that doesn't mean it's not a valid concern that, one day, the government may try it. It's a bit of paradox. Some good links in the article.
10:43 pm - HDR - And I don't mean Radio OK so I got a camera for myself. Xmas present, basically. It's a Canon SD700 IS, and I like it. I wish I had known a little better what I wanted beforehand, but, that's the way it goes.
10:14 pm - Holy Crap I Found Him!! No, not Jesus. The actor I saw in target and couldn't remember who he was! But I was flipping through channels just now, and THERE HE WAS. He's on Crossing Jordan, a show I've seen maybe twice. He is Steve Valentine, and maybe now I can finally sleep soundly now that it's not bugging me anymore. And it WAS bugging me still.
09:39 pm - splat so evidently the gal i went out with a few times over the past couple weeks pretty much has zero interest in me. i liked her, but it wasn't mutual. thats the way it goes. just very frustrating for me. i dont get many shots, and i got a fair one here and it just didnt work out. im not angry or anything, but im of course not ecstatic either. so start all over at zero - and im definitely at zero.
anyway. got a new camera. i wanted to use it to do some HDR stuff but i didn't realize you needed RAW format to do it properly. of course, this camera doesnt do it. not much is going right for me this month. *sigh* anyway, i can sorta do some HDR, it just doesn't look quite as good. i need to learn photoshop manipulation a little better, as far as HDR goes this is pretty bland. but, this shot would have been pretty much impossible with a single exposure, and i didn't use a tripod, so it actually came out fairly well.
ill talk more about my camera and hdr when i give a shit about like, things, again.
Nothing particularly interesting new with me - not that anything ever is I suppose. Plowed through the holidays intact. Spent New Years a little ill. I haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours the past couple nights due to some vicious heartburn. Hopefully I can get it under control soon, I really need sleep. My body seems to have given up on expecting sleep though, so I'm less tired than I thought I'd be today. However, I'm also less cognitively functional.
So we're just barely into the new year and my resolution has already been shot to hell. I have to start all over again. Totally tore my nails to pieces the past couple days. I think I need to remove any and all small, precise sharp objects (nail clippers, paperclips, etc). I seem to be unable to recognize when enough is enough. So I'll try and smooth something out here, clip off a weird bit there, and next thing I know, its all gone again. Dammit. I also need to be better about self-policing myself and snapping the damn rubber band when I unconsciously screw up. And to stop once I notice what I'm doing. It's been excruciatingly hard so far, and rather disheartening. This is a brutally ingrained compulsion for me.
Let's see - what else...oh. Went on a 2nd date last friday. Went hiking in the Angeles Nat'l Forest. I wanted to do the whole Winter Creek Loop , but there wasn't enough time/daylight. So we just went in for a while and back out. To be honest, this made the hike far more difficult than I had anticipated - for me anyway. Hiking in I was barely keeping up, but coming out was a seriously steep climb. If we had done the loop, the climb is much more gradual. It really kicked my butt. Is what I get for being out of shape, but it's been a rough year for that. Definitely points out something I need to work on. So my plan for that is to start biking a little. If this gal works out, it will be good since she likes to do some biking as well. If not, well, I can use the exercise and it would be more convenient sometimes than using my car for some local things. So I need a bike. I'm probably going to get one from Craigslist or eBay or something. There seems to be some good stuff for fairly cheap. All said though, 3rd date on Saturday, I'm making dinner for us and watching a DVD (she'll be watching too, I'm only watching for myself).
03:01 pm - Improve Kevin Update Thought I'd revisit the master plan again, to see how its going:
Dentist: Crap. Still slacking. This should tell you how much I hate going to the dentist, for any reason at all. I really, really hate it. Really.
Eye Doc: Had put this off for 2 big reasons: 1, didn't feel my eyes had changed, and 2, HMOs make this confusing. I planned to bring it up to my primary care doc in January. But my mom jumped the gun on me and made an appt. with my old doc, saying she'd pay for it (since it wouldnt be covered). I tried to explain it wasn't necessary (since my eyes hadn't changed, I felt) but I just went. Turned out to be much less expensive than we had anticipated. But my eyes, as expected, haven't changed in 3 or 4 years. Which brings me to....
LASIK: Gotta do it. Or at least get a consult, to see if it's even possible. I'll be scheduling that sometime in the first few months of 2007. My eye doc gave me a recommendation.
Headcase: Fairly well managed at this point, though I still worry a lot - but managed.
Hair: gave up trying to figure out what to do. I basically chopped most of it off, and wear it extremely short now.
Activity Levels: Some improvement here. Still doing a light weight routine every couple days, though with triple the weight than I started with. So that's good. And I'm a lot stronger in places I want to be (biceps, hamstrings, calves, stomach, sorta in the chest). The next step is of course actual activity - and this gal I went out with last week is a very active person. So if it goes well, I imagine I'll be doing more active things, with someone I like. And that would be perfect. Still working on shoving more calories in me. Harder than you think, with me, I just don't snack at all. No urge to. But speaking of urges....here' s the New Item and my designated New Years Resolution (though I will start work on it asap)
Fingernail Tearing/Biting: OK it's GOT to stop. I honestly believe that my medication to level out my stress has actually heightened the compulsive feelings to do it. It's driving me crazy, I'm so tired of it, and so sick of being completely unable to stop. I. Just. Can't. Stop. It's a true compulsion. And the tips I've tried so far have failed miserably. I can't even explain the level of compulsion at this point. It's almost as strong as the need to breathe. I think my sleep troubles/insomnia have made it worse too, somehow.
I can't do nail polish or bitter tasting stuff because I primarily tear at them, and bite secondarily. I tried carrying nail clippers everywhere, but I clip like crazy, so that hasn't worked. I just replaced the method and did nothing for the mental defect. So I tried a nail file. Again, same problem, I'm compelled to file like crazy at 1000 angles until there's nothing left but dust all over the place. I could practically start a fire. I'm down to my last 2 ideas, and if neither work I guess I'll have to cut off my fingers. I mean I have never felt an urge to anything as strongly as I do to tear at my nails. So it's time to retrain my brain, one of 2 ways - so here we go, here's how I start: 1) Rubber Band method. Everytime I feel the compulsion, or give in without thinking, snap that rubber band on my wrist as hard as I can. That should shock the crap out of whatever neurons are screwing me over. Replace whatever dopamine my brain releases as I tear away with horrible stinging pain. I almost wish I could carry bees in my pocket or something, but a rubber band should do it, according to what I've read. But, if it doesn't..... 2) when I go to my primary doc in january, get a referral for a therapist or god forbid, a hypnotherapist to figure out how to get me to stop. Put me in rehab or something. At least if i was addicted to a drug, it would be hard to get. my fingers come with me everywhere.
So its been long, slow and as still yet unfinished trail, but I am making progress I suppose. So here's to improving this horrible habit once and for all on top of the rest. Maybe I'll be a success yet!
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cephyn's journal
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